Did you know there's a guy living in our closet? You've seen him too? He had a stupid hat.

Unfortunately, my first roommate at college was a gigantic tool bag. He danced around to Mariah Carey music and wore some weird, big, ridiculous "Cat in the Hat" type hat on his stupid head. He also took the hard drive out of his computer during Thanksgiving break so that no one could hack in and steal his dumb secrets. What? That doesn't even make sense. I moved in with some other friends for the second semester. I just couldn't take it any more.

Maybe he would have annoyed me after awhile, but I would rather have shared a room with Chris Knight from Real Genius. Oh, the hi-jinks that would have ensued! Sure I might have gotten roped into creating a giant space laser, but it would have been worth it.

Fun fact: the guy that plays Lazlo Hollyfeld (Jon Gries) also played Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite and Ben Linus' dad on LOST.

Nope. Not getting laid tonight.

Everybody wants to rule the world.

- Dapper