"Okay, time to get your ears lowered a little bit," Paul said to me as I sat waiting in my worn leather chair.
Walking into Paul's Barber shop in my hometown was like stepping into a timeless room for men, and men only. When my brother, dad and I would get our monthly haircuts, my mom and sister weren't allowed. (Pretty sure this is a science fact.) His shop was in a mini mall or strip mall kind of place, which looked unassuming from the outside, but once you walked in you were transported to another world. Another realm where you discussed tobacco, whiskey and woodworking. Sharing feelings would get you thrown out on your pansy ass and bring great shame to your family.
One item in particular always caught my attention. Or, should I say, stack of items. Pretty much in plain view, but out of reach from 8 year old hands, was a nice tempting pile of magazines containing scantily-clad (or no clad whatsoever) women. I never got to peruse Paul's magazines, but I did use one as a writing surface when I was asking him questions for Career Day. It was just some silly assignment when I was in eighth grade. "Hey kids, just venture around our small town and interview people whose jobs you would like." Is 'no one' an option at this point? I already knew I was going to be an architect in New York City. Don't slow me down, Teach.
Anyway, so I decided to interview Paul. I slowly walked into his shop with my terribly photocopied sheet of paper full of questions like "What is a typical work day?". As I started to write down his answers, I was struggling to not poke holes in the sheet. Paul handed me the current month's edition to use to write on. "Just don't look at the centerfold," he said with a chuckle. I wanted to appear like this was no big deal, but I was probably a sweaty mess. Mrs. Wilson would probably wonder why my paper was all wrinkled and the ink was smeared. I never got a chance to look inside either. So close, but no cigar.
So, along those lines, here are a few movies I probably shouldn't have watched as a kid.
Used Cars
Nudity, adult references, and lots of swearing. But still funny to this day. Thumbs up!
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Nudity, killer dressed as Santa Claus, that's about it, but isn't that enough?
I couldn't find a decent image for this movie. Maybe that proves my point?
Creepshow
This one is probably not as scary now, but it kinda implanted terrible nightmares in my brain as a child. I've already blogged a bit about this one. I still can't stand cockroaches.
Time for a tumbler of whiskey.
- Dapper
Autumn in Iowa is a wonderful time of year. For a few days each year there is a magical time between the sweltering heat of summer and the soul-sucking cold of winter. I get a chance to cheer on my favorite football teams - the Iowa State Cyclones and the Minnesota Vikings. One thing I do not like is pumpkin-flavored-everything-time. I find it pedantic. And disgusting. Mostly just disgusting.
Since it is Halloween (or Samhain by you purists) today, and it is by far my favorite holiday, I thought I would talk about scary movies and my experience at a haunted bed and breakfast.
A few years ago, my fiance and I foolishly put our lives into our own
hands and stayed at a haunted bed and breakfast. True story. We were
going to be in Minnesota for a wedding reception so we decided to fire up
the ol' Google machine and find out if there were any nice Bed and
Breakfasts in the area. Oh cool, there are few to choose from. Neato,
one of them is haunted and operated by a psychic. It took us all of three seconds to book that
one. Our giddiness soon turned to trepidation. Why the hell did we want
to sleep some place where ghosts were frolicking about? No turning back
now.
You don't have to be Zak Bagans to tell me that there were some unexplained activities going on in this house. There were too many occurrences of objects moving, unexplained powerful smells at odd times, and the fact that we actually saw a ghostly human figure. Twice.
The first figure we saw while we were driving to get something to eat. It was early dusk and we thought we saw a hitchhiker or someone out wandering on the road. We couldn't see who or what it was, and when we got close enough to it, it had vanished. Not too long after that we went through an "only one stop sign" size of town and heard an old timey police siren.
Our second experience with a spectral being from another realm occurred when we got back from the wedding reception. It was pretty late and no one else was up (lame) so we had to unlock the front door and try to make it back to our room without having our life force sucked out by whatever demons were lurking around every dark corner. We saw an old farmer type with a hat across the dining room and near the kitchen. He was gone in a flash. We ran back to our room at this point, opened our door and quickly locked it behind us. We slept with the lights on that night and I got about 45 minutes of good sleep.
So, if you had a bloody ice pick to my neck and forced me to pick my favorite Halloween movies, these would be it.
The Shining
This is my ultimate favorite. I absolutely love this crazy axe scene. A close second is the big wheel scene when Danny runs into the sisters.
Creepshow
I picked this one mostly because of its history. This was the first movie that we illegally watched as children. And by that I mean that we saw it without our mom's consent. This movie kept my sister and I up all night, scared out of our wits. My bedroom had become some sort of terrible nightmare factory after viewing it. There was no way I was going back in there until it was safe again. I still can't un-see the cockroach scene either.
It
Tim Curry was so cool in Clue. And he was such a loveable harmless transvestite in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Why would he turn into an evil clown, hell bent on haunting the dreams of children everywhere? This is another movie I shouldn't have watched as a kid.
Honorable Mentions
The Exorcist - Read about the weird stuff that happened behind the scenes too.
Rosemary's Baby
The Omen
Paranormal Activity
The Ring. The goddamn Ring. Yeah, I've written about this before.
The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Sleep tight.
- Dapper
